Is this a cheap ploy to get help with my title?- absolutely. I am notoriously bad at finding my titles. I want it to stand out and still capture the essence of the book. Can you do that??? I'm too close to the story to do it justice.
I would LOVE some feedback from my target readers too! Boys and Girls ages 9-12. You guys are the ones I need so hopefully mom or dad will share this with you.
How will you name the book? Well, you have to read some of it to get an idea of the story, so I'm going to put an excerpt here for you to read.
My suggestion, print it out if you can. I have a really terrible time reading a book on the computer. I can't focus, probably because I'm thinking of all the other things I could be doing online.
So, if you give me a good title and I choose it for the book, I will send you Golden Hope, my first book, free, or if you decide you want this one, I'll send you this one upon printing. Fair deal? Win-Win right?
Here are the first few chapters:
Chapter 1
“Shut the door dummy!”
“Jojo, hush,
you’re gonna get me in trouble.”
“What a cheapskate!”
Katra groaned and pinched the Rantyre’s
beak shut. She peeked into the auction room hoping none of the customers heard
the exclamations. She saw the backs of the buyers, intent on her father’s
rhythmic brokering. None seemed to have
heard the commotion.
“I want to wear the pink one. I hate broccoli. Where is everyone?”
Jojo waddled close to Katra and
rubbed his head against her leg. She squatted down and ran her hand over his
fluffy white fur. He extended his small flipper arms and rubbed his head
against her arm. Katra tickled him under his chin and watched as he opened his
long curved beak in a yawn as he always did when she scratched him. Except for
his beak and the colorful feathers topping his head, he could be mistaken for a
penguin. When Katra first laid eyes on him it was love at first sight, on both
sides, and now he was her constant companion.
“Hands off unless you’re buying.”
Katra jumped, thinking her father had slipped in behind her. Then she heard his
voice rising and falling in the other room. She tilted an eyebrow at Jojo. It
wasn’t the first time he had startled her. Sometime he would have her in
giggles at his at his nonsensical mimicry. She walked to a closet. This wasn’t
the time for laughing. Her dad had told her to leave him home.
Katra opened the door and set him
inside. “You better stay here until after the auction. I’ll be back as soon as
I can.”
“Be careful! Don’t drop it, idiot!” This time she caught herself
before looking behind her.
“Jojo, you’re going to give me a
heart attack one of these days.” She closed the door on her pet and scurried
back to her duties. It was her job to record the winning bidder’s number and to
make sure their purchase was tagged and safely wrapped.
As she slid into the auction room her
father’s glance was a wordless reprimand that fell like a rock into her stomach
and yet he never wavered from his auctioneer’s rhythm.
After the auction was over she
helped the two assistants pack up the unsold antiques. She was taking her time
as she was in no hurry to face her father. Her younger brother Rani came
bounding into the storage unit.
“Katra, Mom says hurry up, and Dad
looks really mad. Whad ya do?”
Katra ignored him and tried to push
him out of her way. He stood his ground. Although short for his eight years old;
he was solidly built.
“Wash your hands! Hold still,
let me put this on.”
“Shut up, you stupid bird.” Rani
pretended to swat at the Rantyre, but it jumped off the carton where it was
perched and quickly waddled away flapping its stubby wings. It peeked out from
behind a box.
“Stop it Rani, you jerk.”
This time Katra was able to force
him aside. Her height at two years older gave her enough advantage to send him staggering
backward. He just laughed and made a rude noise at her. What Katra really
wanted to do was kick his little butt, even if she did get in trouble.
She heard Jamick, the younger of
the two assistants talking to Rani. “You going to the match tonight,” he asked
the boy.
Of course he’s going to the game,
Katra thought. He always gets to go. She continued her thoughts as she packed
the last items.
Jamick was nice enough. She liked
the way he dimpled when he smiled and she loved his green eyes. He was way too
old for her but a girl could dream. She did wish she had green eyes like his though,
or even blue like Rani, but no, she was stuck with plain brown eyes. Rani gets
everything, even blue eyes. She sighed and placed the last item on the shelf.
“I”ll probably go, I know Dad and Mom want to
go. Dad says he’s gotta check my last unit on Pentel’s history. You goin’,”
Rani asked.
“If I get this packing finished.
I’ll see you there,” Jamick said.
“Jexson is so cute!” Katra heard her own voice from behind the box.
Rani looked at his sister with wide
eyes and a full smile. “ Jexson huh? I knew it.”
“Oh, get vaporized you Tweezer,”
Katra said. She chased her brother as he ran laughing out of the storage unit.
Before she could stop her forward momentum she had slammed into a young girl.
“Jazzie, sorry. I didn’t see you.” She grabbed her friend’s arms to keep her from
being knocked to the ground.
“I’m gonna tell mom,” she heard Rani’s voice
float back to her as he ran down the walkway toward the transit entrance.
“Rani again?” her friend laughed. “Hi Jamick.”
Jamick gave a bright smile and waved at the young girl. She turned toward an
older man, bent over a box. He was short with gray streaked hair, but had thick
arms that still showed ropes of muscle when he picked up a heavy item.
“Hi Axel.” The older man grunted a hello, and continued
to pack merchandise. Axel had been working for Katra’s dad for as long as she
could remember. He was quiet and worked as hard as Jamick, but Katra had noticed
that he was beginning to hunch over and his gnarled hands often had to juggle
an item to keep it from dropping it.
Katra turned back to her friend. “Go
ahead, laugh. Just be glad you don’t have a spoiled little brother making your
life miserable, not to mention a pet with diarrhea mouth,” Katra said.
Jazmine’s hand covered her smile,
“Oh no, what’d he say this time?”
“Who, Jojo or Rani?” Katra said. Her
voice was muffled as she was down on her knees trying to coax the animal out
from the boxes. Her long dark hair fell forward, making a curtain in front of
her face.
“Come on, Jojo. Rani’s gone.” She
lifted the furry animal up and stroked his soft fur with her hand. He rubbed
his beak against her cheek. Then she sighed and put him back on the carton where
he could watch her work.
“I love you but I do wish you would
forget everything I say, especially about boys,” she said.
“Ah ha, Jojo this time. Want some
help?” Jazmine asked.
“No thanks, Jaz, I’ve about got it
done,” she said.
Katra carefully lifted a box to one of the
shelves that lined the walls of the storage space. Boxes, vases, lamps,
paintings and furniture filled all the spaces, leaving just enough room to walk
through the warehouse. There were also steel enforced safes that stood as tall
as Katra. They were anchored to the cement floor.
“No, thank you, Jarret, tea will be fine.”
Jazmine sat on an oak stool that
had a price tag worth most of the homes on Pentel. She stared at Jojo. “It’s
weird how he can make any voice like that. Who was that one?” she said.
“I call that one, ‘The Old Lady’.
Dad thinks that’s the voice of the lady that owned Jojo. That’s how I got him,
because she died suddenly. For once, Dad decided to give me something instead
of Rani, the perfect son.”
She ran her hand over the feathers
on Jojo’s head and watched as they popped back up. “I’m sure glad, because he’s
been my best friend— not counting you—ever since.”
“How come he got all her stuff?”
Jazmine asked.
“She was some ambassador’s wife,
but she didn’t have any living relatives, so Dad bought the whole estate, and
Jojo was part of it.” Katra answered. “Rantyres are pretty rare and probably
expensive, but there wasn’t anyone left to claim him. So now he’s mine.” She
hugged the little animal who gave a squawk.
“I can’t figure out if he’s a bird
or a mammal,” Jazmine said. She reached over to stroke his fur. Jojo rubbed his
head against her hand.
“He’s both. He’s got a beak and
webbed feet, but he also has fur. I accessed data on Rantyres after we got him.
They originally came from Tyre and there’s very few left now. There’s not a lot
of information on them since Tyre was destroyed,” Katra explained.
“What happened to it?” Jazmine
said.
“From what Dad said, the planet had
a huge civil war and the entire population was destroyed. He thought that Jojo’s
ancestors probably had been a gift from someone on Tyre before the war started.
The planet’s just one big desert now.”
Jazmine ran a finger over Jojo’s
jeweled collar. There were four stones, red, blue, green and yellow. They
matched the feathers on his head. “Is that a real ruby,” Jazmine asked.
Katra laughed, “Are you kidding?
Dad would never let me keep anything that he could auction off. The topaz,
emerald and sapphire are fake too.”
“Shut up you jerk.” Jojo looked at Katra and shook his head, making
his collar jingle.
“That was definitely you,” Jazmine said..
“That’s his signal for dinner. I
better go or I’ll be in even deeper trouble than I am now. I’ll come by tonight
if Dad doesn’t ground me for the rest of my life.”
Chapter 2
Katra’a mom and dad were in the
kitchen when she got home. Rani had just taken his supper plate from the warmer
and sat down at the table.
“Wash and get your plate,” her
father’s said. “And put that animal in its crate.”
She put Jojo in his crate and
checked his food and water, then joined the rest of the family in the kitchen.
Her parents had already gotten their plates and were waiting for her. Katra
punched her favorite meal and sixty seconds later pulled it from the unit. When
she sat down her mother added some fresh vegetables to her plate.
“The lot goes to bidder 569.”
A voice shouted from the cage as Jojo bobbed up and down in his crate.
Her father speared her with a stern
look, “I told you specifically not to bring that animal to the auction.”
She hung her head, but not before
seeing her brother’s malicious grin. She swung her leg under the table and was
glad to see him jump as her foot connected with his shin.
“I saw that Katriana.” Her mother
said, but reached over and pinched Rani’s ear. “And I saw you too, Ranaldi.” Katra
kept her smile hidden.
“Turn down that music!” shrieked an unknown voice.
“You lost your pay for this auction
and if I see that Rantyre at my auction again, you’ll work the next five
auctions for no pay and he’ll be sold to the lowest bidder. Is that understood,
Katriana?”
“Yes sir, I promise to leave him
home from now on,” Katra said. She looked down at her plate, too guilty to face
her father.
“You look beautiful in your
new collar.” The voice of an old woman came from the crate.
“And for heaven’s sake, cover his
crate so we can eat in peace and quiet,” her father said.
***
Jazmine was staring at herself in
the mirror when Katra came into her bedroom carrying a sack.
“Oh good, you’re not in trouble.”
She turned around and Katra saw that her friend had one eyelid shadowed with a
plum color and the other was a teal green.
“I may not be grounded, but that
doesn’t mean I’m not in trouble,” Katra said. She stared from one of Jazmine’s
eyes to the other.
“What do you think, this color or that one?”
Jazmine pointed to each lid. Katra thought that sometimes her friend could be
too consumed with her looks. Of course, she didn’t have to worry about a strict
father or over protective mother. She gave up on trying to get any sympathy
from Jasmine.
“Both make your eyes even bluer, but I like
the teal. It goes with both blue and green. Did your aunt say you could get them
tattooed now?” Katra said.
“No, but I’ve already got permanent eyeliner
and cheek color. I don’t see why she’s making me wait for the eye shadow.” She tossed
her hair over her shoulder. The light brown curls bounced down in the middle of
her back. Once again Katra had to stifle the stab of envy at the young girl’s
natural curls.
“She’s probably going to surprise
you for your birthday,” Katra said.
“I hope you’re right. And I’ll only
be a year younger than you, at least until you have your birthday in a couple
of months,” Jazmine said.
“I never can understand how you and
Rani can be the same age and you act so much older than he does. Just the other
night he put his pet crawlie in my bed. It scared Jojo to death.”
Jazmine squeezed her lips together
to keep from laughing.
“I see that Jaz,” Katra said. She
punched her friend on the arm. “It’s not funny,” but a grin slipped out in
spite of her words.
Jazmine put her hands up in
surrender. “Sorry, but I keep seeing Jojo squawking and waddling away.
Remember, boys grow up slower than girls.”
“Well, in Rani’s case, I think the
maturing process has stopped completely. And of course, Dad didn’t do anything,
just told him not to do it again. I swear, he gets away with everything, but
let me mess up one time and look out.”
“Well, I’m glad I don’t have a
little brother to deal with. Anyway, what’s in the bag,” Jazmine asked.
“Oh yeah, sorry. Rani gets me so
mad I forget about everything else.” Katra pulled some old fashioned dresses
out of the bad. “Dad said we could have these. They belonged to the same lady
that owned Jojo. He doesn’t sell clothes, and the material is almost exactly like
what I’ve seen in the stores this year. I guess it’s true that styles repeat
over and over. These are practically antique, but they barely look used and I kind
of like the patterns,” Katra said.
Jazmine was pawing through the pile
of dresses, tossing them left and right.
“Speaking of Jojo, where is he? You
never leave him—Oh, that red one would look really good with your dark hair and
eyes. Wow, look at the buttons on this dress,” Jazmine said.
“I left him home, he was sleeping.”
Katra rubbed her finger over one of the buttons. “Those are great, they look like a sunburst,
except with different colored centers.”
“They’re gorgeous., I wonder what
we can use them for,” Jazmine said.
“Let’s each take two and maybe we
can use the dress material to make purses or backpacks. We can use the buttons to
hold them closed.”
“That’s a good idea. They’d make
really cool earrings, too,” said Jazmine.
“That’s true. I like the ones with
the red and green stones in the center. Is that okay?” asked Katra.
“Sure, I like the blue and yellow
anyway—and yes—I know they’re not real,” Jazmine said with a grin.
Just then her bedroom door opened
and a woman entered carrying a tray loaded down with drinks and chips. She was
tall and thin, with silver streaks shimmering in her brown hair. “I thought you
two might like a snack,” she said.
“Thanks Aunt Merrisol. You didn’t
have to do that, we could have gone to the kitchen.”
“It looks to me like you’re immersed
in a new sewing project,” she said. She smiled down at Jazmine and winked at
Katra.
Katra smiled back at Jazmine’s
aunt. Jazmine had been orphaned at a young age and her aunt had raised her. Katra
loved Aunt Merrisol, who was great for spoiling both girls. She often took them
out to their favorite eating places or to the Funzone where they could experience
virtual adventures. Katra’s favorite virtual trip was the jungle. She loved
swinging through the trees with monkeys racing through the tree tops on either
side of her.
“What beautiful dresses. Are they
something your father picked up?” she said.
Katra nodded her head. “Yes, but he
said we could have them. He doesn’t deal in clothes.”
“You’re so lucky to be exposed to
artifacts from so many different planets,” Aunt Merrisol said.
“I guess so,” Katra said. “As long
as I don’t drop any of them.”
“I’m sure you’re a great help to
your father,” Aunt Merrisol said.
Katra decided it would be best to
just smile and nod.
“Well, I’ll let you get back to
work—or whatever,” Aunt Merrisol said. She hesitated at the door. “Jazmine, is
your math module finished?”
“Yep, Aunt Merry,” Jazmine said,
using her pet name for her aunt.
“Okay then, I’ll go check it over.
It’s almost eight thirty,” she reminded Katra.
“Thanks, Aunt Merrisol,” Katra
said, glancing at her watch, “We’re almost done, and thanks for the snacks.”
The door closed behind the woman.
“Okay, let’s get started. Do you
have some scissors so I can cut the buttons off,” Katra asked.
Katra was in the middle of telling Jazmine
the latest about Jexsom when a loud beep caused them both to jump.
“Oops, should have turned the
volume down, but I wanted to be sure I heard it,” Katra said as she glanced at
her watch, “That’s my reminder, gotta go. Dad said to be home before nine. I
can’t afford to make him mad at me twice in one day.” She gave her friend a
quick hug and hurried out of the door.
Chapter 3
Just made it, Katra thought as her
watch chimed the hour. After speaking her name, the door slid open.
“Dad, Mom, I’m home,” she called
out. “On time, like I prommmiissssed,” she sang. There was no answer. If fact
the absolute silence of the house caused her to stop and listen. No muted
television, no murmurs of conversations, nothing but silence.
Katra rubbed her arms, smoothing
the sudden goosebumps. The game must have gone into overtime she thought. She
waved on the light and entered the kitchen to grab a drink. She sucked in her
breath as she tried to make sense of the sight in front of her. Every cabinet
door was open and food packages were strewn all over the floor. The kitchen table
was laying on its side and the contents of the drawers were emptied, creating a
pile of crushed glass interspersed with silver utensils and plastic ware.
Such a wave of fear flowed over her
that she felt separated from reality. She felt like she was suddenly plunged
into a nightmare. Thoughts raced through her mind. Am I in the wrong house No, I recognize that
antique clock What happened Is someone still here Are they going to hurt me Where
are Mom and Dad I need help I’m all alone. In spite of the frantic thoughts
flying through her head, her body was frozen in place.
She heard a thump from the back of
the house. Her heart pounded so loudly in her ears she could physically feel
the pulsing of each beat. Forcing her legs to move, she backed out of the room,
grabbing the doorframe when her knees threatened to buckle. She reached her
hand blindly behind her and felt for the com unit beside the front door. She
didn’t dare turn her back on whatever was there. It could be creeping down the
dark hallway even now.
Have at it! I'll be waiting to here from you at donnachubbauthor@gmail.com or post a comment with your email address so I can contact you.
